Motherhood- 2 Months- Why I Was Late for Work

Confession: I have decided I am TERRIBLE at keeping track of some things- one being the age of my child. People will ask, “how old is he?” and I honestly don’t know unless it’s on a month mark now! Usually I will say something like, “he’ll be 2 months on the 5th” or “he was 1 month August 5th” depending on where we fall in the month. Today I know for sure- 2 months!!! Since I am so terrible about keeping track of time frames I am also going to be pretty terrible about doing posts related to time frames- so today I am not going to do a standard 2 month update (I kinda already did that the other day while I was thinking about it) today I am going to simply tell you why I was late for work.

My son was trying to poop and I wanted to cheer him on. It was a smelly success with a lot of smiles from us both when he was complete. These are the things he does I know won’t last forever (well we hope not- being a teenager and having your mom cheer you on as you take a dump may not be the best way to fit in)…poops stink but this little guy has the cutest way about him when he is pooping- and after…the joy he experiences warms this mother’s heart.

Today I complete my first week back to work and although it wasn’t terrible hard for me, as in- I didn’t cry or have worry/anxiety about leaving him all day, it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could be with him every moment of the day (ok, now I am starting to cry). I sometimes fear that people must think I am a bad mother for being so laid back with things like that (or that I don’t know how many weeks my baby is at any given moment)- like maybe I don’t care. Today I was late to work so I could hold my son and cheer for him as he pooped…I care.

Motherhood Week 9- Facing a Hard Reality & Feeling Blessed

Well tomorrow is the day that I feel will change every thing.  I go back to work.  It’s not just that I won’t be spending my days will Elliot- but I won’t be spending them with my husband either.  That’s right, he has been with me my WHOLE maternity leave…I’ve been lucky, although not everyone would agree.

Currently my husband is unemployed.  Yes, this happened right smack dab in the middle of my maternity leave…perfect timing right?  Just when bills are piling up and pay checks are not coming in- why not have your husband lose his job?  Well, I think it WAS perfect timing.  That first month was terrible for me- having my husband with me was probably the only thing that kept me from having a complete meltdown.  The second month?  We enjoyed it and were able to parent together 24/7.  It’s been pretty great working as a team taking care of Elliot-and we’ve pretty much been on summer vacation together this whole time as a family.  Tomorrow I think is a bit of a turning point though….a wake up if you will, vacation is ending.  I will go back to work and my husband will stay home with Elliot until he starts work again.  This wasn’t “the plan”- the plan was sending Elliot to day care and getting back to our “normal” life – now with Elliot in the mix.  So the plan now?  Taking it one day at a time.  It’s really ALL we can do.  We tried planning and look what happened.  I remember thinking before any of this was on our radar how we’d never be able to afford a child.  We weren’t going to be able to afford day care on both of our salaries…now we’ll have one salary.  I was breastfeeding for a number of reasons,  a huge one being  it was “free”- now we have even MORE expense formula feeding.  So am I freaking out a little?  Not really.  I have seen God provide for us already.  Each day there seems to be something new He gives- a way to say, “I got you”…from discounted hospital bills with out me asking- to free formula from perfect strangers and my day care lady just being SUPER understanding and working with us to keep our spot open….I am certain that in this season of life I am going to see God move in our lives in ways I have never seen before.  My husband and I pray for that- we can’t say “oops, forget it, God, we were hoping to see you in the form of a new car or higher paying job” (although, heck yes, that would be awesome)…I know He doesn’t always bless in ways that simply equal dollar signs.  We are so blessed to really SEE God provide- to have a need that only He can fill.  Our faith will be stronger- our belief validated and that is something that truly satisfies us.

So today I am taking it all in…loving on my little man and loving on my husband too.  It’s our last day of “vacation” together and tomorrow starts our new normal.  The constant of today and every day- God’s with us.  He’s loving us- He’s providing for us-He’s our security and the reason we know everything will be alright. 

Motherhood- 1 Month Complete

It’s hard to believe it’s been a month, at times it seems like just yesterday Elliot joined us and others it seems like he has been with us forever. So what exactly has this first month brought us? Lack of sleep for one. Yes, I am “going there” first. I know it’s some thing to expect but no matter how much you tell yourself “I’m gonna lose sleep” it doesn’t make it any easier. I am some one who gets extremely moody when I have less than say 7 hours a night, so this month has also brought on some grouchiness in me. I’m not proud of it- but it’s reality.

Another thing that hasn’t agreed with me this month is breastfeeding. There were times where it seemed like Elliot ate ALL day and night and I was losing my mind. I cried for hours and felt like crap cause I HATED breastfeeding- in essence I hated feeding my child. There I said it. It’s true. I know people say how it is such a bonding experience but for me it’s been anything but that. All I’d want to do is feed him and then pass him off. I would see others interact with him and get jealous that they got to be with the “good” Elliot. After a lot of thought, many tears and feelings of guilt I have decided I am going to try and make it to 6 weeks and then switch to formula. I’ve been talking with other Moms who had a rough time as well and they have been very encouraging. In the end I think it will be a good thing for us both cause another thing the first month has brought….

Cranky baby! Oh my, this just started last week it seems and seems to be getting worse each day. Every feeding he seems in distress during and after- even more so. The poor kid is a gas machine and most likely has some sort of food intolerance or colic. I am hoping switching to a formula will be good for him- maybe I am doing the breastfeeding thing all wrong and bottles will be a good thing…I can only hope.

Sorry this post is a little on the negative side- it’s how I tend to feel lately (although this seems to be getting better each day). I know the first month is the hardest and I do look forward to these next couple weeks/months when things change. I’ve enjoyed this little newborn phase but have a feeling I’ll REALLY enjoy this next little chapter coming up. Already I can see him growing (the boy is probably pushing 11 lbs by now and is no longer in his NB clothes) and he’s starting to grab and really hang on to fingers, hair and articles of clothes. He’s cracked plenty of smiles but I have yet to see one that is without a doubt intentional…I REALLY look forward to that cause his smiles are the cutest. He’s already got some acne (talk about growing up quick! LOL)..I know it will fade soon and it’s normal, I find it pretty cute since it’s mostly on his cheeks and just makes him look rosey. His hair seems to be turning more red than blonde which I initially thought is was- never would I have thought I would have a red headed child, but it appears I just may. His eyes are still blue and I have a feeling those will stick too. He loves falling asleep to the “Elliot Song” that I made up for him before he was born…I love that I can (at times) make him fall asleep (at least for a short while) when no one else can…he responds to my voice in a way that he doesn’t for anyone else and that I just love.

As I watch him now, asleep in his Rock N Play, stirring- ready to eat….I am going to try and remember this moment knowing he’ll never be this little again and soon things will change for us and how he is fed. It will be bittersweet I am sure.

Happy 1 month, Elliot!! You’ve taught me so much about myself- good and bad. You are a joy to all who meet you and the cutest guy I know…I look forward to this next month with you. You are loved, little one.

Motherhood 3 weeks and some change- No One Did Ever Say it was Easy

So no one ever told me being a mom to a newborn was easy- yet I think I went into this thinking it would be. My pregnancy was a breeze..life in general goes pretty smooth for me, so why not motherhood? I feel as though these past 3 weeks have really humbled me- made me see that I am not truly in control and sometimes life is just hard. I need to say this now- I KNOW many people have it way worse than me I will feel silly after I have this little vent session knowing people would kill to be in my shoes…but this is where I am at and I am just trying to be honest.

I’ll just start off with my biggest love/hate relationship – Breastfeeding. Oh boy at times I wish my boobs would just fall off to make the decision to do this out of my control. Multiple times I have entertained the idea of saying “screw this” and buying formula and just letting my boobs go dry….and then I have extreme guilt for even thinking that and think of how many women “muscle” through this difficult first month and how I am quick to just say “I don’t even want to try”…I look at my son and think “I am so sorry you got stuck with me as your mother”…many tears have been shed over this..many. I still have yet to supplement and I don’t say that in a “hey, look at me and how good I am doing” way cause I would NEVER EVER tell anyone that pushing through insanity to breastfeed is the right choice- I don’t think there is a right or wrong when it comes to how you feed your child- whether it be breast or formula. I just know once I go one way it’s unlikely I could go back and I am not ready to give up breastfeeding just yet.

So why do I hate breast feeding so much? Many many reasons…feeling tied down to Elliot and a prisoner to my couch are the biggest. Elliot is not a fan of the nursing cover so it makes going anywhere extremely uncomfortable for me knowing I’ll either have to sneak away like I am ashamed of what I am doing or simply whip my boob out in front of people. Another reason is my boobs never feel “good” anymore..they are either tingly, engorged or just plain old sore. Putting on special bras, special pads and special shirts already feels old to me. And you may ask, “what about trying to pump” OH do I HATE when people ask that question, as if pumping would solve all my problems. I have tried pumping and I hate that even more, I feel like it’s so much work for just a little milk, the thought of feeding Elliot and THEN hooking myself up to the milk vacuum for another 15 minutes sounds like a waste of time…I like things to be quick and easy- and my time in between feedings feels so minimal. At times there is no time in between…you feed, burp, walk around, bounce and then just as he falls asleep you go to lie him down and he wakes up- angry. You repeat and then by the time he settles his stomach says “hey it’s been an hour and 1/2…feed me again!” I don’t really know what a 3 hour stretch looks like…and if I do it’s not 3 hours of “me” time it’s a couple hours of wondering if he’ll wake up in the usual hour and 1/2 so I don’t really get a whole lot done…I should say this- to be honest- my husband is still home with me and he is pretty much always here and willing to take Elliot from me…even with that I STILL feel like I am going (or have gone) insane. I am a wimp, I’ll just admit that now.

So is there anything I am enjoying? I do enjoy learning more about him everyday. It feels pretty good being able to say “oh he’s about to poop or have gas” – but even that stuff I don’t quite have down to a science. He is getting more alert and I love when he looks at me or his little hand rests against my arm, almost as if on purpose. I love the times when he’s passed off to me crying and it’s only my special touch that calms him down (this is not an every time thing- but when it does happen you better believe it makes me feel good again).

I do believe that pretty soon I am going to reach a turning point- breastfeeding will be better, he may be on some what of a schedule or at least be a little more predictable..we may find a “cure” for his gas and recent fussiness…and I may just be able to leave the house! I also think I’ll feel like less of a failure and more of a first time mother who really doesn’t have much or any of the answers…and I’ll be ok with that. I am hoping the turning point is coming soon.

Motherhood Day 20- Cluster Feeding: Welcome to My World

No one told me about this! And even if they had I probably would have no idea the mental anguish it would cause me. It’s just one of those lovely things you must experience to understand.

The first 2 weeks I thought were a little tough- but looking back they were actually marvelous, I would give anything to have the routine and schedule we had going on the first 2 weeks…when a 2 hour stretch was an annoyance. Yesterday we were every ½ hour- which left about 10 minutes to myself in between. This would go on for a couple hours at least and then he would fall asleep- for about 2- 3 hours. The only problem is you never knew if his sleep was going to be long or the 5 minute kind…so I just sat there staring at him wondering if I was going to have to feed him again- getting nothing accomplished. I have decided the mental mind “f” is far worse than having your child attached to your boob every waking minute. It’s the not knowing whether he’ll be satisfied after he appears to be done…and the wondering if I’ll ever be able to leave my house…or when someone says they are going to stop over, will I really be able to visit with them or will Elliot be eating the whole time. These past couple days have been the hardest for sure…I have wanted to give up on breast feeding all together but something just keeps telling me to stick it out- I know things will get better…it’s just not that easy to believe when you are in the thick of it.

I was also starting to resent friends who were supplementing or straight out formula feeding. They are also going through the cluster feeding stuff and find it hard as well but I just find it hard to really commiserate with them. I hate to say it but I even started resenting my husband….it really pains me to admit that, but it is true. He’s been so great and has been with me since Elliot was born- always willing to take him after each feeding until the next (which meant for a while, he probably was spending more time with him then I was)….it’s simply hard going through all this, having a crazy amount of tears and needing something that pretty much NO ONE can give you- your sanity, some space, 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, a moment to simply be alone and not worry that you are going to have to feed someone from your boob in the next 5 minutes…there is so much I have taken for granted. Yet, there are those moments when I am feeding him, I hear his little snorts as he tries to latch…and then his little coos and whimpers as he is almost done… and I think of just how helpless HE is, how much he relies on me. It’s humbling and takes me down a notch…or 20. I had received a letter from “FutureMe” I had written before I had gotten pregnant, before the thought was even in our minds. I had asked myself if I had known what it was like to give my life for another…I think at the time I was thinking more along the lines of really laying down my personal desires for what would have been “our” desires- as in my husbands and mine…also simply doing more for friends, family and the people of our community….I can honestly say, I DO know what’s it’s like to give essentially everything you have for another….and to be honest at certain moments I hate it….but when things quiet down and I have my boobs back even for a mere moment, I realize that I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. This little life is so precious, such a gift- that being able to nurture it first with milk and later on with words of love and affirmation is simply amazing.

Motherhood Day 15- With Highs Comes Lows

I had written a post about pregnancy and related it to a roller coaster- same goes for motherhood apparently. Is motherhood a word? The more I write it and say it in my head it sounds weird (maybe it’s the lack of sleep!). I am getting off track. Back to rollercoasters….

Yesterday I did some errands again and AGAIN felt on top of the world- I was super first time mom, I almost felt like it was “easy”. I had timed everything pretty well and made it home just in time to feed Elliot. But then the evening hit and he was fussy baby. I find the last resort I try is feeding him, especially if it’s been under 2 hours. I just figured babies last at least 2 hours in between feedings. Not true. Apparently, there is a little bit of a growth spurt week 2 and he was feeding every hour. Which means I had about 15- 20 minutes to do something for myself before he was back on the boob. That something for myself was a much needed nap. As soon as I would fall into that semi- deep sleep I’d be woken up to cries and my poor husband shrugging his shoulders saying he tried everything. Sure enough- food is what he wanted. I was miserable. I cried and cried- I cried cause I was tired, I cried cause I knew I was being short with my husband, I cried cause I didn’t know what to do. We talked about going out and getting formula…I called my sister who EBF her son. It helped talking to her, having her explain it’s all normal. The frequent feedings, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the sleep deprivation playing with your head and emotions- and hormones are STILL acting crazy. She said I could do it and get through it- and not to give up, it will turn around…but also let me know that I HAVE come so far and given him so much- if I felt I needed to supplement or switch to formula, then I should do it. Gosh I love that woman.

In the end I made it through the night- I was up every hour at first and then he had two 3 hour feedings in a row…I woke up still feeling emotional, but took a shower- blow dried my hair (something I haven’t done in MONTHS)- put on some make up and ate breakfast…slowly I got my sanity back. He’s been feeding every hour and 20 minutes like clock work, but some how the morning always brings me some peace. The light outside is helping and once again I am enjoying being a mom and feeding my boy. I just have a new appreciation for those who have “stuck it out” and also TOTAL sympathy and understanding for those who choose NOT to breastfeed, or to supplement. There’s no right answer as far as I am concerned and I am not totally ruling out formula in Elliot’s future. I look forward to the weeks ahead where everyone says “it gets better” cause if it gets worse….I am in for quite a lot of tears!

Motherhood- Day 13, Doing Errands is AWESOME!

Today is quite possibly the best day ever- why? Cause I got out of the house and did errands!!!! Never have I been so excited to just “do things” than today. My husband is still home so I did bring him along which was helpful. I will be solo next week so may as well do some test runs. I made sure to be the one to carry his car seat, put it in and take it out of the car…try and figure out the snap & go (still having issues with that- I don’t know why the “easy” strollers are so hard for us).

The main reason for going out was a quick trip to my work to fill out paper work and submit to put Elliot on my health insurance. He was pretty good- I had tried to time everything appropriately with feeding and figured I’d have about 30 minutes- turns out he didn’t want to wait the 2 hours- but do his hour and a half deal. He cried- but then tuckered himself out and slept again…so I took advantage and stopped into CVS…where he woke up and started screaming (he was in the car with my husband so little did I know- poor kid). After a productive CVS run (Cinnamon Toast Crunch was on sale for $1.88!!! and Pre-natals were BOGO) we went home and I fed Elliot. Then we thought, that was so nice getting out- why not do some more? We are in need of a new curtain/blind thing for our slider (dogs ruined our old plastic one- which we hated anyways) so we decided to go up the street to the curtain outlet (we have SOOO much with in a mile from us, it’s awesome). It was so fun bringing Elliot into the store and telling the workers he was “almost 2 weeks” people love little babies…I can’t blame them. After that successful trip I asked my husband if he thought we had enough time to go to the food store- he’d stay in the car with Elliot)…and WE DID (this is also less than a mile from the house). So I went and got some deli meat (so pumped to be able to have deli meat again), wraps, FRUIT- lots of fruit, milk, eggs, OJ- the necessities. We have had a lot of people from church and friends who are visiting bringing us food. We have had SOOOO much food. The freezer is packed and the counters are filled with all sorts of sweets. Breast feeding I know burns a lot of calories- but I am so sick of all the junk. So getting fruit to snack on instead of sweets has made my day. So today has showed me a lot- next week I think I’ll actually be able to get out of the house and do things- for an hour at a time. Yay!

Another accomplishment today while my husband was at the gym- fed Elliot, put him down to “nap” (can you even call it napping at this age?) and took a shower..All.On.My.Own. Best feeling ever. Now let’s hope today was not a fluke and next week I will have just as much luck.

Motherhood Day 12- About Breastfeeding

After 12 LONG days of breastfeeding- here are my thoughts and maybe some advice. I am no expert but there are definitely some things I wish I knew ahead of time. A lot of what I learned was trial and error and I am sure it would have been that way even if I had every single piece of advice out there- you just have to experience and learn some things on your own I think.

First couple days were the worst as far as pain and routine- now at 1 1/2 weeks pain happens only at first latch, but it is still toe curling kind of pain… still manageable and as the day goes on it gets better. For about 2 days in the hospital I was breastfeeding with out the use of any nipple cream. BRING NIPPLE CREAM TO THE HOSPITAL! The lactation consultant told me my next child I would remember this blunder- and even use it BEFORE I go into labor. She’s right. Dry, cracked and bleeding is not words you want to describe one of the most sensitive parts of your body. There’s enough other things you have to worry about- your nips don’t need to be one of them. I ended up using Lanisoh Lanolin religiously..after the 2nd day..I would and still apply (for the most part) before & after feedings as well as before I get in the shower. It’s amazing how much water affects them! I also used a nipple shield three feedings in a row to give them a break- and my sanity depended on it. Also my son at times simply like to “suck to soothe”… I also gave in and started using a pacifier after he was done feeding and seemed fussy (this is maybe once or twice a day just to get him to sleep). It’s funny all the things I do that I “never would do” before I gave birth. It’s easy to say “I will never do that” when you aren’t faced with your nipples feeling like they are going to fall off. Don’t judge. My nipples are pretty normal again no cracks bleeding or dry, I am happy with the decisions I have made and Elliot is also happy too- none has seemed to affect his feeding.

Another thing I have learned was to have a station all set up where you will breast feed and make sure you have EVERYTHING you need before you start. At the beginning I’d hear him cry and would go into panic mode and simply run upstairs, whip out a boob and start feeding him. Then I’d realize I forgot my water- or cream..or something. Thankfully my husband has been home and with in ear shot- but if he wasn’t, I’d have to wait close to an hour to have whatever relief I was looking for. Oh and just go to the bathroom before…it’s not always worth the wait. So things to keep on hand: nipple cream, water, breast pads, receiving blankets to drape over you (protects you from a leaky milk mouth or leaky boob- maybe even a leaky diaper (this happened to me twice in a day!), a snack, phone, book- something to keep you occupied, pillow to prop your baby.. fan or AC (LIFESAVER!) – babies are HOT.

I’m not sure when I’ll ever be able to go out in public and breast feed-he flails his arms all around and switching him would be interesting even under a cover..I’ve practiced using it at home and it was not even close to helping. So for now I will try and time my comings and goings and hope I have at least two hours during the day in between feedings. Other Moms- does it get better??? Will I be able to master the cover?

Nighttime has gotten much better.. He seems to be feeding about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. And we occasionally get a close to four hour stretch. This seems like heaven compared to the first couple nights. I’m still pretty tired throughout the day- I can’t do naps.. So I rely on those hour and a half to two hours I get to sleep three times maybe a night. Around 5 PM I feel very tired and cranky and just like I’m done. Looking forward to a couple more months when maybe the night stretches will be longer…I hope so!

At this point we’re still changing diapers nonstop once before and once after every feeding sometimes one in between. Not sure if he should be in size one yet or not size one seem to fit, but they leave little marks on his thighs and makes me so sad. Maybe will try a size one today. (I tried size one- they look huge but I think it will help his little legs…after Googling, the leaking and red marks suggest Newborns are too small).

So far I feel like things have gone pretty well.. He’s only fussy when he’s hungry or when I wake him up and then were he realizes he’s hungry….Or when he is trying to poop or has gas (he actually gets this blank stare when it actually is happening- it’s pretty cute), or was about to projectile vomit. I wish I could see into his little tummy and know when he has all those air bubbles. I hear it gets better so I’m hoping sooner than later for his sake.

Week 29, Day 7- I Wish I Wore Something Else Today

Today was one of those days where you wake up and you just don’t feel like it.  You don’t feel like taking a shower- but you do, you don’t feel like getting dressed, but you do…and same goes for hair, make up and even eating (well making the breakfast was more of my struggle than actually eating it).  Although I didn’t feel like doing any of those things I did.  I just wish I made different choices cause I feel so blah.

My outfit makes me feel large- horizontal striped shirts may soon be a thing of the past…also I now know leggings can only be worn when the shirt I am wearing hides the fact that I am beginning to get love handles.  Never again do I want to go for the “messy look” with my hair if I am already not feeling great about my appearance..this is ONLY good for when ALL else looks and feels fabulous.  I simply feel like a mess now. 

So today I am a little ho-hum.  Tomorrow I have my once every 2 weeks Dr appt and I am hoping my weight is in a good range…yesterday I TOTALLY ate terrible and I really have quite the problem with sweets if they are any where near me.  Maybe a walk with the doggies will do the trick for me later.  One can hope.

Happy Monday?

Week 28, Day 7- Nursery in a Nutshell

SO this weekend we finally got to get going in the nursery!!!  Best feeling ever.  It all started Friday while my husband and I were at work- my BFF’s Fiance (and our new friend as well) came over and painted the whole room- walls, trim and ceilings all in a morning…the man is amazing and we love him.  So Friday I came home to a beautifully painted nursery and it made my heart so full to know that after being good friends and lending the room out for a couple months- we are also blessed by friends of our own to do something so generous as this.  It really does all work out in the end. 

Saturday morning I met with a potential day care provider for Elliot- I’ll post more about that this week as I am meeting with two other women later on…and then after that I came home, woke up the hubby and asked with bright eyes, “Can we go to Ikea?!”  He said yes and was excited too.  So we went and looked around, found the crib, dresser and some organizational things for the room.  I was pleasantly surprised to see the crib I had picked out DOES turn into a toddler bed as well- SCORE!  We got EVERYTHING for under $300!!!  So pumped about that since we were the ones buying it and don’t really have the money to splurge…at all.  When we got home we both said we should try and start putting together something before we had to go to our friends’ for dinner- we had 2 hours.  My husband decided on the crib and by the time I had gone downstairs to make us a snack and come back up he was half way done!  Of all things I never figured the crib would be the easiest thing to put together, but it was.  After that he started on the dresser without even having me ask!  I love that man.  He was able to get most of that done (while I lounged on the futon watching) before we went out and then wanted to finish when we came home..it was all done in a day and it felt so good.  One mishap was the bottom piece of wood at the bottom- the one on the front should go on the back and back on front..so we have an unfinished piece on the front.  He said he could take it apart and switch it- but with Ikea stuff I am REALLY hesitant about ever doing that.  In the end I think I will paint that bottom piece maybe the blue accent color of his room and maybe paint Elliot’s name on there or something.  We can make it work.

The last piece of furniture to go in was “the chair”- and that was this morning before my husband went to work.  I had bought a glider for only $30 on a FB yard sale page.  It was my first official purchase..and the first thing I really “hunted” for bargain.  When we had guests the chair has been in our living room just serving (with out my intention) as an extra seat.  I CRINGE anytime anyone sat in it.  It seemed like they were always leaning on the arms in some weird way, or putting their feet up on it- it was weird…it seemed like everyone’s butt was attracted to the damn thing even though there was plenty of other seating.  Tonight we are having some friends’ along with their 4 kids under 6 over and wanted that chair safely in Elliot’s room- where.it.will.stay.  I sat it in this morning quickly and had a huge smile.

So that’s about it for now.  Paint is done, furniture is in and the finishing details will come in the next couple weeks.  My shower is the first Sunday in May so hope to have it pretty much done then!