Week 18, Day 4- A Little FutureMe Action

Have you heard of the website FutureMe.org?  I am in LOVE with it.  Basically you write letter to your Future Self and choose which day you will receive your email.  It can be either a couple months or a couple years..or MANY years into the future if you like.  The fun part is that you won’t be able to go back and read it until the site sends it to you.  Hopefully that explains what it is I am talking about. 

I read one of these emails today I had sent myself, written when I was only 7 weeks pregnant.  I used to be a big prayer journaler- almost daily.  I would write out my prayer which basically was me talking to God about all that was going on, my thoughts, my fears, my anxieties…I always enjoyed going back and re-reading my entries and seeing how the things I worried about turned out and the way my prayers were answered (which usually was in ways I would never imagine) and sometimes I would see I may still be waiting or never did get that answer I was expecting.  I haven’t written many entries in my journal over the past year or more, I don’t know why- I just don’t.  I DO however do some FutureMe emails which are always fun to get and look back on and see where I was in the past and where I am now.  Thought I would share the one I wrote at 7 Weeks- when everything was so new and unsure.

—————————–

Dear FutureMe,
I am a little reluctant right now to write this- I don’t believe in luck or jinxing things, but some how it’s always very hard for me to speak of things that are in the future- I am always afraid that they won’t come to pass and my excitement some how is foolish. If everything is going along as I pray it will- you are officially over the First Trimester! Woo hoo! You have been pretty worried these past few weeks- not losing sleep worried, but just general “what if” worried. Having no symptoms at 7 weeks makes you wonder “am I even pregnant?” But hopefully you are and hopefully you never did have to experience the morning sickness and fatigue everyone talks about.
Right now you feel like this will take an eternity- and when you really stop and think of everything you have to do- I guess it’s ok to have some time. It’s crazy to think that something is already here with me that will and has already changed my life forever- yet I can feel as though nothing is different at this very moment.
By this time you’ve already had your fist doctor appt which some how I am sensing will be really disappointing. So many get ultrasounds and heart beat checks and you have a strange feeling you’ll get neither. Hopefully by now you’ve heard a heart beat. Maybe the first Ultrasound will be when you find out if the little one is a boy or girl- that will be a fun day. It’s so weird talking like this cause I feel like I shouldn’t. Not until I have a belly and can feel a baby moving. Why didn’t God put a little window on your tummy to see inside?

Mostly I wanted to write out a prayer for me now and then.

Dear God,thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for the child you created inside of me. I pray that you would take away my worry. I pray that I would trust you today- and tomorrow in all of this. I pray that this first trimester would go smoothly with out complication and the second would also follow suit. I pray that you would guide me as I take care of this little one by taking care of my body. Lord, I pray that I do grow closer to you now I feel like my mind can take me so far from you. I want to go to you first. You who hold EVERYTHING in your hand. Please be with me today in whatever it is that I am doing.
Amen

—————

I love seeing how worried and sure I was that I wasn’t going to hear the heartbeat at my first appointment, or have to wait to see the baby until the anatomy scan- I got both on my very first appointment!  It just shows that sometimes, maybe most- the things we worry will happen, won’t.  When we worry we feel like we are doing SOMETHING (I can’t control if I hear a heart beat, but I can worry about it)…and we always want to be doing something right?   Hoping my “something” going forward will be prayer and reliance on the One who has never failed me to date…Jesus.  Why worry when it doesn’t change outcomes- it only takes away from enjoying the moments we can control (kinda) the moments we are in right NOW…the moments we can choose to be thankful & grow closer to God.

Week 18, Day 3- One of Those Update Thingys

HOW FAR ALONG: 18 weeks & some change

BABY THIS WEEK: Size of a Sweet Potato…awwww.  Ears are developing and baby may be able to hear me- or at least my gastric juices flowing..Lucky baby..ha!

MY WEIGHT GAIN: I’d say about 9 lbs

MATERNITY CLOTHES: Discovered the Tummy Sleeve thanks to TuckedNeatlyAway.  All my regular pants are back in the rotation!  

SLEEP: Still really good, not uncomfortable yet.

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK:  Having dinner with my friend and her giving me a book that was special to her and her sons.  I look forward to reading it to my little one- maybe soon, they could be able to hear me!

FOOD: I am and have been finding it hard to eat straight up salads- unless they are made by some one else.  Weird I know.  Giving into sugar cravings, had a brownie batter filled donut yesterday and it was delicious.  I think I need to control those urges a little more though.

SYMPTOMS:  Still having to go to the bathroom more frequently.  Acne on the back and chin isn’t letting up 😦  Other than that, nothing to speak of.

MOOD: Still feeling good- a little anxious at times wondering how we’ll make it all work financially..but I am doing ok with it.  Trying to live One Day at a Time.

MOVEMENT: Questionable now whether I have been feeling baby or not.  I think I feel them poking me, but not those butterflies that everyone talks about.

WHAT I MISS:  At the moment, I am not missing a thing.

LOOKING FORWARD TO: February Freaking 4th! Will we have a Lenora or Elliot in our arms this July?!

Week 18 Bump

I think it’s smaller than last week! Musta had a big breakfast that day.

Week 18- My current babies & Bump

I can’t get enough of my little pups and the both love being held like babies..makes me wonder how they’ll feel once our little one arrives- arms and laps may not be so readily available.

Week 18, Day 1- To Pedicure or Not to Pedicure While Pregnant?

I am just going to answer this right now- Pedicure with precaution.  I had read early on on various pregnancy blogs/sites/threads that there are certain pressure points in your foot that could cause a woman to have contractions and there for pedicures are not advised.  I thought this sounded a little fishy since isn’t that something you hear of pregnant women doing, getting pedicures for those tired, swollen feet?  The First Trimester I was pretty leery of doing anything that could potentially be harmful so I stayed away.  Being in the Second Trimester and feeling a lot more comfortable in pregnancy and less worry about every little thing I decided to ask my Doctor.  She said it was fine and seemed to not know anything about this supposed pressure point that makes women go into early labor.  She seemed to say, if I was worried- have them go easy on the massaging.  So I went.

My friend and I tried going to a place she normally goes to but they were booked so we just went to the next place we could find (there’s about 10 nail places in every surrounding town so it’s not that hard).  We walked in, everything looked good…we got our nails done.  Long story short- when the guy was cutting my cuticles he definitely cut my skin, it didn’t seem to bleed but certainly didn’t feel good.  The next day I noticed the skin around the nail was a little red and soar…to then waking up last night and feeling my heart beat in my big toe and hardly being able to walk!  It was pretty bad.  So I sat there and prayed- not knowing if I should go to the doctor and spend a stupid amount of money for them to tell me to do some salt baths or something (I did a lot of Googling too- kinda helpful and kinda not as we all know) or just wait and see if it would go away after some neosporin and hydrogen peroxide treatments.  I woke up this morning and it seems to feel a lot better (not perfect, but better) so I am going to wait and see. 

The point of my story is this:  IF you are going to get a pedicure while pregnant go to a trusted place, one you KNOW is clean and uses clean tools that are taken from one of those toaster oven looking things..not JUST blue liquid.  Make sure your foot bath thing is completely drained before you sit down and washed- then filled.  I didn’t see my guy wash the basin and I am pretty sure there was a little old water left..gross I know.  Didn’t see him grab tools from the oven either.  If they happen to cut you I’d also make sure they put something on it.  I know at my normal place there is always something put on a cut if they do- it does happen. 

After reading up on all the ways to get an infection from a pedicure- and how common they are I am pretty sure I am never going to have them cut cuticles again..even at the place I trust.  Especially now being pregnant- IF the infection actually gets worse and something needs to be done you can’t be put under anesthesia and if my toe hurts now, imagine what a little “surgery” would feel like.  No thank you.

Sorry if I totally ruined pedicures for anyone, but in all honesty if I asked my Doctor and she said “the reason you should avoid them is because of the high risk of infection” I would not have gone and just painted them myself.  Live and Learn.

Week 17, Day 7- Indigestion & Thoughts of Child Care

Maybe I should have switched that around to read “Thoughts of Child Care and Indigestion”…it actually did come in that order.  That’s where I am at right now…dealing with a full feeling and rumbling in my belly and also a full brain and rumbling up there too.  This whole pregnancy thus far I have been pretty at peace with everything and except for the first 2 weeks I haven’t had much worry to speak of.  I would love to say I attribute this ALL to my faith in Jesus- but I know myself all too well..it’s mostly because I have physically been feeling great and at times I hardly believe I am pregnant.  Of course, being able to pray and “give” the little things to God helps- but I am not sure there is much I have felt I actually had to give Him.

Today my boss’ wife came in and asked if I had thought about my plans for maternity leave…when I would go and when I would come back.  I don’t know why I was so taken back and caught off guard- I HAD thought about it.  I guess for some reason I didn’t think I’d actually have to come up with an answer so soon.  My answer was a mess of thoughts- spewing out at once…”well, definitely the month of July…I’ll work until I physically can’t…I only have 4 weeks pay of disability…I may have to get another job after the baby is here…I should have 2 weeks of vacation I’ll use…I probably will need something closer to home..maybe my family can help with day care…Part time, I could probably do part time…I honestly have no idea, I don’t think I’ll know until the time gets closer.”  And I left it at that..for now.  My husband and I had talked a little..but we have yet to REALLY sit down and crunch numbers.  I know if I were to go back full time and put my baby in day care it would be AT LEAST $250.00 a week…that’s $1,000 a month.  We do not have $1000.00 a month extra.  I know, everyone says “you just make it work” and I am sure there are PLENTY of ways we can cut back expenses…and maybe do some extra work some where…but my husband and I already think we are so frugal it’s hard to imagine where this magical $1,000 a month will come from.  Of course if I were to try and work part time and some how avoid day care- that’s still most likely 1/2 my salary or more that I wouldn’t bring home…which pretty much equals that magical $1,000 a month we’d have to sacrifice.  It’s crazy cause for us that’s practically a whole other mortgage payment…and don’t get me started on the cost of our health insurance going up once the baby does arrive and probably before. 

I guess it’s time to buckle down and really start looking at what we make, what we spend and where we can make our little into more…asking God for some guidance and grace to pull it all off in a way that brings glory to Him.  His ways are not ours and that is what tends to scare me at times! 

 

Week 17, Day 4 – Sharing the Names & a Short Dream That Made Me Smile

I am not really one who is hesitant to tell people what’s on my mind, especially when it comes to this baby.  I am also not afraid to say something l like “this will be their name” only to change it a couple weeks later…I live in the moment a lot.  However I DO feel like my  husband and I have come up with names for this little one that I think may just stick- Hooray!  I wanted to share them with you and the reasons behind them.  I love a name with a story : )

Story behind the girl’s name:

A couple months before my husband and I got married, my husband’s grandfather gave him a copy of his memoir to read.  I saw it one day in his room, had some time to kill so I thought- I’ll give it a skim.  I absolutely adore his Grandfather (along with every other member of his family) so it was really fun to read his childhood stories and get to know him a little more.  I also loved seeing all the old timey names.  When I came across his mother’s name (my husband’s great grandmother) I loved it.  It actually reminded me of the girl’s name from Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken, Senora (a favorite film & character of mine growing up). I thought to myself, I’d love to be able to name our daughter that one day, what a special thing that would be.  I told my husband who seemed to approve at the time and we also told his Grandfather the next time we saw him.  He looked touched as we were telling him how we read his memoir and loved how he would talk about his mother, she seemed like an amazing lady.  He responded with something like “Oh, she was…everyone loved her.  People called her Otis.”  No, we are not naming her Otis…that was her nickname and we have no idea where it came from.  It was just a funny twist to it all.  The middle name doesn’t have much of a story except my step son, Little C, had helped in picking it out and I think it works well.  So the girl’s name will be:  Lenora Joy.  (Meaning: Compassion & Light- and of course Joy)

Story behind the boys name:

My husband and I had some time to kill while we were getting his car inspected and I brought up that I REALLY wanted to figure out a boy name.  I felt like we had the girl’s and I was ready for a girl- having a name for a boy I felt would make me more “ready” to have a boy (and I was right).  So we decided to just go through the alphabet and list off names for each letter and see if anything hit us both.  There were a couple that we liked and then we got to Ethan…we both liked Ethan a lot.  My husband also liked the idea of naming our boy something beginning with E and middle initial E because it would also go with a family tradition.  Back story:  Same Grandfather as before- HIS Father’s name was something like Elmer Edwin, and his friend’s would call him Double E since I am pretty sure he signed everything E.E., so when Hubby’s Grandfather was born, as the last child of many and many years later, he seems to say his mother threw her hands up and said “we’ll just name him after his father” but instead of his actual name, they named him the nick name.  Double E.  Yes, his first name is Double…people call him Dub, it will grow on you.  So rather than naming our child Double, we’d carry on the tradition with an E.E.  and the middle name being Edward, after my husband’s other Grandfather.  So we liked Ethan, looked it up and saw it was in the top 10.  We were kind of adamant about trying to NOT name our child something that would be so common.  It’s just our preference, so we thought of more E names and came across, Evan & Elliot as others in the running (I think they were both around 24-30 for rank).  It seems as though we have decided on Elliot Edward (Meaning: The Lord is my God & Wealthy Guardian).

I feel like I can share this now because last night my husband stopped me as we were going inside and said “I really love the names we picked out- Lenora and Elliot”  He knew this meant a lot to me, for him to be as in love with them as I was- so it made me really happy to think…Yay, we have some names!  For whatever reason I just feel like I wanted to have a name all ready for when we find out the sex.  For me, being able to call this little one a name some how makes them MORE real to me, like I am bonding with them more being able to call them by name before they arrive.  I do plan on sharing the names with everyone before as well- I know a lot of people advise against this, but who cares.  If they don’t like the name before, they won’t like it after and that’s their problem.  I love them both and am so excited to be able to share more about our child to our friends and family!

The dream I was talking about was that we had an Elliot.  My husband was changing a dirty diaper and being such a good Daddy, it made my heart smile.  I went into the room so see our little boy and all I wanted to do was make him smile.  Which he did and it was awesome.  Those little moments in dreams are so incredibly amazing I can’t even imagine how FREAKING AWESOME the real thing will be.  If my heart swells with so much love for a baby I have made in my subconscious & spend about 3 minutes with, how much more will it swell and possibly explode for this precious little one I’ll get to spend all my time with.  I can’t wait 🙂

 

Week 17, Day 2- When A Friend Loses Her Baby

I found out Monday night that my friend had a miscarriage.  I can’t explain the sadness I feel for her and her husband and to be honest a twinge of guilt.  I know I am in no way to blame for her miscarriage- or even sadness.  But I keep wondering, “Why did this happen?” When she told me she was pregnant I was OVER THE MOON happy for her, a baby is ALWAYS good news.  Of course also selfishly I was looking forward to having a friend who I could share this experience with and have play dates and all that fun stuff.  With out going into great detail of her personal life- this was news that was exciting- unexpected- and seemed like God had some awesome plan for all of it.  And I guess even in loss, He still does.  It’s hard to remember that though when you know your friend is in so much pain and wondering more so than me…”why?”  These questions I don’t think can ever be answered confidently here and now, we can make guesses but I think we generally get it wrong.  When I heard she was pregnant I thought I had all the answers as to why God was blessing her with a pregnancy now instead of a year ago when they were trying.  Now, I can see I didn’t really know anything.  I am trying to put my trust in Him, His timing and His love- just as I know my friends are doing the same.  I know they will come out with a faith that is stronger than ever because of this, but before that happens I know they must grieve and ask the questions everyone does- waiting for answers they may never get.

So what do I do?  What can I do?  Be there.  Let her know I love her and am here whenever and what ever she needs.  The girls from our church group will bring them meals this week.  Food, it always seems to be our “Go To” when we feel like there’s nothing we can do.  We need food to sustain us, to keep us going.  Recently we read John 6 together.  Mostly what I gained from this was “sustenance”  The theme of “bread” (feeding the 5,000) and Jesus being our “bread of life” – it was all there.  Even learning that same week that Bethlehem, the town in which Jesus was born, actually meant “House of Bread”  Sounds like God is trying to tell us something.  So as much as we need food to keep us going, which every pregnant lady is very aware of this- we need more.  Our bodies may be thriving but we need more to sustain our spirits.  I hope in this time and season in my friend’s life I can demonstrate the “more” I am talking about and rely on the One who IS the Bread of Life.

Week 17, Day 1- One of those update thingys

HOW FAR ALONG: 17 weeks

BABY THIS WEEK: Size of an onion (this does not give me a clear visual of size, is it a yellow onion? red onion? sweet onion?..I’ll go with sweet onion cause babies are sweet : )) about 5 inches and 5.9 oz- baby got big!  Baby is swallowing, sucking, blinking- and maybe even hiccuping.  Baby is also packing on the Oz’s and getting fat- really.

MY WEIGHT GAIN: I’d say about 8 lbs

MATERNITY CLOTHES: Yes, I am wearing the pants now and they are marvelous…but I’ll still be throwing “normal” clothes in the mix until I simply can’t.

SLEEP: Still really good- nights usually go like this: fall asleep on the couch between 7:30-8:30, wake up around midnight- pee- go to bed, wake up again around 3:00am- pee- go back to sleep and wake up for the day 6:30ish.  So far not uncomfortable at night.

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK:  Getting some maternity gear and a baby seat with my Mom : )

FOOD: Still have no cravings to speak of or aversions- I feel like I am not as hungry as I used to be.  Still love carbs, this will probably never change….ever.

SYMPTOMS:  Peeing WAY more than I did 1st Tri…every hour I could go.  Acne, still going strong.  Some round ligament pain (I think) but it’s nothing terrible…goes away quick.

MOOD: Feeling good all around.  Never had any mood swings and hope I never do!  I love feeling normal and being able to enjoy each day.

MOVEMENT: I have been feeling little bubbles here and there, explained them to a friend who’s a mother of 2 and she thinks it’s baby.  Excited when I feel things and there’s no mistaking it for anything BUT baby!

WHAT I MISS: I do miss food things.. runny eggs, sushi, a glass of wine- but it’s really not all that bad.

LOOKING FORWARD TO: Doctor’s appointment this week, hearing our little one’s heartbeat and then finding out gender Feb 4th!!!

Week 17

The bump.